SuziTalk discusses the highlights and challenges of parenting. She shares insights on how to help moms to thrive rather than just survive.

Put your Oxygen Mask on First

Moms need to put their oxygen mask on before assisting others. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t possibly be of service to our children, family, and friends. I have forgotten this important piece of advice countless times and it has left me depressed and unable to carry out my daily functions with any enthusiasm.

I’ve been feeling depressed lately. I felt it this morning as I listlessly packed my kids’ soccer cleats and shin guards, water bottles, and snacks, and sat through their soccer games with just the tiniest hint of passable enthusiasm. I couldn’t be there a hundred percent, and because I’m a good mom, I was hating myself for being like that. Other moms were congratulating their children on their really great attempts at making a goal, and I was halfheartedly doing the same for my own children. But, I knew that my accolades didn’t compare to those other moms. I was indifferent at best.

Sometimes it’s hard to be there 100%. It is hard to be the Pinterest perfect mom. (Click the arrow to read more)

So, I leave you with this piece of advice: don’t beat yourself up for being less than perfect. Don’t make yourself feel bad about not being there a hundred percent for your children sometimes. Nobody can be a hundred percent for someone else a hundred percent of the time. If you are always a hundred percent super mom for your kids, eventually your well is going to run dry. You will have nothing left for them or anyone else, especially yourself. It is okay, probably even better, if you give fifty percent of yourself to your kids and spouse and keep the other fifty percent for yourself.

You need to repeat the flight attendants’ safety message mantra to yourself: put your oxygen mask on before assisting others.

If you are suffocating, if you can’t breathe, then you can’t possibly help anyone else. So, I’m saying this to my fellow moms: it is okay to put yourself first. Do not forget about yourself in your journey as mother and wife…because you are central to that journey and just as important as the other people in your life.

Why are Kids Toys so Damn Small?

I swear to G-d, kid’s toys are getting smaller and smaller by the day. Some of these toys are practically microscopic. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a missing LOL doll’s boot? These tiny shoes for the LOL dolls literally measure 3 millimeters wide. That’s right, I actually took a ruler to these things. One of the problems with these tiny toys is that just because they are tiny does not mean that they are any less important to your child. All it means is that they are much more difficult to find when they get lost in the sea of other LOL doll clothing and accessories. (Click the arrow to read more)

I am very fortunate. I have a cleaning lady that comes to my house every other week. But, do you have any idea how many times I have rummaged through the dust and debris in a garbage bag to find one of these accessories? Let’s just say, it has been a frequent event…and not a pleasant one at that. And, I get it, it is virtually impossible to distinguish a part of an LOL wig from a dust bunny. So, as a result, I am often doing a full sweep of all of the LOLs and their accessories that are on the floor before my cleaning lady comes. G-d forbid one of these accessories goes missing. The hunt could go on for days and weeks with daily reminders from my daughter to boot.

The affinity for tiny toys is not just common among little girls. Boys have the same problem. It is virtually impossible to find the missing Lego piece to a creation that your child is building. Sometimes you can find it by combing over the floor in a pattern that mimics a Zamboni. You are combing over the floor trying to find a needle in a haystack. Usually, you only find it when you eventually step on it. If you have never stepped on a Lego piece, you are in for a real treat. It hurts like a motherfucker. If you are me, you are accidentally shouting expletives in front of your child. You are holding onto your foot like somebody just stabbed you in the foot.

In addition to the Legos, my son also has Nerf guns. These foam bullets get shot half way across a room, and they are very difficult to find if you were not following their flight trajectory. Additionally, my son’s favorite stuffed animals are these three tiny stuffed animals that he got in a goody bag. They each measure about 2 inches wide, and we are honestly looking for them every night before bed because he must sleep with them beside him. The problem is, there is a sea of blankets and other larger stuffed animals on his bed. And guess what? He rolls around all night. So, who knows where his three favorite stuffed animals end up by morning?

The little tchotchkes that my children hold so dear, are filling up every drawer and toy bin in my house, and the kids only have a quarter of their twin-sized beds where they can comfortably sleep. Furthermore, when these dollar store tchotchkes break and my children love them and look at me with those sad, doe eyes, it is a real problem for me. All of a sudden, I feel the need to replace them, even though I never wanted them in the first place. I could give two shits about this little toy. But, this little toy brought my children a lot of joy, and its sudden disappearance is breaking their little hearts, and my children wear their hearts on their sleeves. The tears inevitably start coming down. The wails are unleashed from their little lungs. It feels like the end of their world.

So, I buy a replacement tiny toy, and the vicious cycle begins once more.

The Law of Entropy

The law of entropy is at work in my house:

My children’s bedroom floors are covered in toys. My desk is littered with papers. My floors are scattered in dog hair. My sink is full of dishes. My two-car garage has never housed a car because it is so full. My hampers are filled with dirty laundry. My yard is enveloped by weeds. And, all of the flat surfaces in my house are covered with crap!!

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Don’t feel bad if your children’s rooms are covered in toys … it just means that they enjoy playing.

Don’t feel bad if your desk is littered with papers . . . it just shows that you are reading, writing, and working.

Don’t feel bad if your floors are scattered in dog hair . . . it just shows that you have cared for and loved a pet.

Don’t feel bad if your sink is full of dishes . . . it just means that you are feeding your family.

Don’t feel bad if your garage has never housed a car . . . it just means that you have other things that are more important to protect from the elements.

Don’t feel bad if your hampers are filled with dirty laundry . . . it just means that you have other, more important things to do.

Don’t feel bad if your yard is enveloped by weeds . . . it just means that you are not dousing your grass in chemicals.

And lastly, don’t feel bad if all of the flat surfaces in your house are covered in crap . . . it just means that you are living life and prioritizing other, probably more important, things over cleaning.

Don’t feel bad about the mess and the chaos.

It just means that entropy is at work; and the law of entropy is a difficult one to defy.