Rescuers Often Become the Victim

Rescuers often become the victim

Be careful always trying to rescue people.

I am saying this to you with love and affection from years of experience. So often, the rescuer becomes the victim. I have seen this play out time and time again. I’ve seen women who have boyfriends, lovers, or spouses who have problems associated with drug or alcohol abuse who try to swoop in and help, but the women oftentimes get hurt in that rescue effort.

You may believe that you should help, but that is not your job. If you have friends who are truly resisting your help, it means they are not ready for your help. Unfortunately, they probably need to get to a lower place than they currently reside. They need to hit bottom or near bottom.

Rescue missions fail when people aren’t ready to be rescued.

If you have friends that are pushing against your attempts at helping them, it means that they have not hit bottom yet and you need to let it go. This is inevitably going to be a rescue mission that fails. When they are truly ready for you to rescue them, they will have reached bottom. They will not have enough energy to fight anymore.

I have been burned countless times after coming to people’s rescue. My mom has also been deeply hurt by people she tried to rescue. I hope that you learn from our mistakes. I don’t want you to become a victim like we did. I do not want that type of experience to slap you in the face such that you get jaded about helping others.

You are probably great at helping people and can do so much good for so many people; however, do not waste that gift. Do not waste that energy on trying to pull people up who are not yet ready to get off the ground.

Your job is to be the loving and supportive friend that you are.

You need to be there for your friends. You need to demonstrate genuine concern. But, do NOT feel like you need to swoop in and save anybody. When your friends want you to come to their rescue, when they are truly ready, they will openly accept your help. However, if they are telling you that they are fine and they’ve got this, you need to take a step back. You need to accept what they are telling you and let them figure things out on their own. You have to allow them to make mistakes. It is through those mistakes that they will actually learn something. So, you need to back off sometimes and allow people to face the struggle. The struggle teaches them grit. The struggle teaches them perseverance. And, the struggle gives them the tools they need to overcome adversity and thrive.

Published by SuziTalk

I'm a SAHM, blogger, singer, Ph.D. I talk about real issues affecting real people. I share the mistakes that I have made in my own relationships with my spouse and children, so that others can learn from my experiences.

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